Toxic positivity

How am I supposed to feel? Is it okay to feel exhausted, empty, lonely, sad, or angry?

We often hear that these emotions are “negative,” that they take over our minds so much that we can’t work, focus, or do anything productive. In the end, they feel like brakes, slowing life down. But if they have such a negative impact on us, why do we even have these emotions in the first place?

It also seems to me—and I think you might agree—that modern culture constantly pushes us to be happy, to “stay positive,” to always keep a smile on our face. But is that really helping? Does pretending to be fine actually make us more satisfied, productive, or genuinely happy?

According to some research, in recent times, people increasingly turn to medication to suppress unpleasant emotions and maintain a constant flow of positive vibes and happiness—whether to succeed, to be accepted, or simply to feel okay all the time. This isn’t surprising, considering that even in ancient Greece, philosophers developed the idea that we are naturally wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain and suffering. This is completely normal, and there is nothing “wrong” with this innate behavior. However, I believe the problem arises when people constantly try to escape unpleasant emotions and avoid feeling them altogether.

Here, I want to return to the evolutionary perspective, which explains why both unpleasant and pleasant emotions are important—and why unpleasant emotions feel unpleasant in the first place.

Pain, fear, and sadness signal danger, loss, or the need to change our behavior, while pleasant emotions signal reward behaviors that support survival and reproduction, such as bonding, eating, and resting. From this perspective, emotions are actually very useful because they tell us what is happening either inside us or in the outside world. They allow us to notice what makes us feel a certain way, and this awareness can help us in the future—to predict what might annoy us, what might bring us joy, or simply to understand the cause-and-effect relationships behind our feelings.

Also, both “good” and “bad” emotions can guide our behavior and thinking, helping us adapt to different situations. For example, when we feel fear or anxiety, these emotional states often heighten our awareness and trigger the body’s natural fight-or-flight response in the face of danger, which can actually improve performance on tasks that require focus and quick thinking. Boredom, while uncomfortable, can spark creativity and encourage us to explore new ideas or hobbies. Research has also shown that sadness, for example, can enhance analytical and reflective thinking, helping us better understand what went wrong and how we might improve in the future.

On the other hand, “good” emotions give us feedback that we’re on the right track. Positive emotions such as joy, pride, hope, and interest motivate us to move forward, try new things, keep learning or working, and feel good about ourselves. They broaden our perspective, enhance creativity, and encourage growth.

Meanwhile, unpleasant emotions help us respond to threats, learn from mistakes, and navigate life’s challenges.

I started this reflection with the idea of positive culture and the common belief that “good vibes only” is the recipe for a happy and healthy life. But this is far from true. When we fill our minds with phrases like “Just stay positive!” or “Happiness is a choice,” we are ignoring our real emotional experience and real problems. In some situations, this mindset can be helpful—for example, when we need a quick boost to get through a tough day. But when it turns into a constant mantra, we begin to block our emotions. We stop listening to ourselves. This is called toxic positivity.

Practicing positive thinking in situations of uncertainty or the unknown is generally a good thing and can even be a protective factor for mental health. But problems arise when we use positive statements or force a cheerful attitude to suppress our emotions. When we try too hard to “beat” a so-called negative emotion, or when we rely on this approach in moments of real hardship—such as losing a job, the death of a loved one, or a breakup—things become more complicated. These are undeniably difficult moments, and it is completely normal to feel unpleasant emotions or whatever emotions naturally arise. We don’t need to pretend that everything is fine. Challenging situations and the unpleasant emotions that come with them eventually pass. Their role is to signal what a certain event means to us. Once we accept these emotions and work to regulate them, we can move on more easily, and the emotions will naturally fade.

So, I’d like to conclude with this: sometimes bad things happen, and those moments are rarely pleasant. But rather than forcing ourselves to ignore what we feel—especially in the long run—it is far healthier to pause, tune in to our emotions, and acknowledge what is truly happening inside us.

Summary:

All emotions, both pleasant and unpleasant, are natural and important. While society often encourages constant positivity and discourages negative feelings, emotions like sadness, anger, fear, or loneliness serve essential purposes. They help signal danger, prompt reflection, and guide behavior in meaningful ways.

Positive emotions motivate growth and creativity, but uncomfortable emotions also play a crucial role by enhancing awareness, promoting learning, and supporting adaptation. Suppressing them in favor of forced optimism can lead to toxic positivity, which disconnects people from their true experiences.

Rather than avoiding difficult emotions, it's healthier to acknowledge and accept them. Feeling bad doesn't mean something is wrong—it’s simply part of being human.